I was a pre-teen and early teen at the peak of the Grunge Era so naturally I desperately wanted to own a pair of Levis with rips in the knee area. Everyone I looked up to on television (like the cast of 90210) wore ripped denim. I longed to be that 90s grunge girl –I wanted to be Alicia Silverstone in the Aerosmith music videos (Watch Cryin', Crazy and Amazing. Yes, that's one of the London twins in the Amazing music video. I’m not sure if it’s the one in celebrity rehab, the one in Dazed and Confused or Party of Five—or are they all the same person?) I was resigned to my parents never going to spend the money to buy me a pair of Doc Martens or a pair of Levi’s 501s but I already owned a men’s flannel shirt and a pair of Lee brand jeans which is one level below Jordache and five levels below Levis. I was halfway to achieving my “look” all I needed to do was put the element of cool in my jeans. I mulled over cutting my jeans for days. I feared getting into trouble for cutting into my school clothes. The jeans already had a tiny hole in the shin area so I figured it was close enough to knee and so I cut. I felt so liberated and there was no turning back. I cut the other pant leg but this time in the actual knee area then snuck them into the washing machine (to get the frays on the cuts) since it was already running. I was so excited and nervous waiting for my jeans. I fantasized about how I’d style my old/new jeans: I’d wear my men’s flannel top of course, maybe a white tank top underneath and wear the top open. I was going to look badass just like Alicia Silverstone. When the washing machine stopped, my mom walked into the living room outraged waving around my old but now very cool jeans and yelled, “Who is in a gang in this house? Whose jeans are these? Who joined a gang?!” I never saw those jeans again. They vanished along with my dreams of ever being that girl who bungee jumps off an overpass and flips-off a two-timing Stephen Dorff (the end scene of the Cryin' music video).
This is one of my most fond memories of my mom. This past week was the anniversary of her birthday and her death and I never quite know how to commemorate this time of year. My parents were never big on putting symbolic value into things or traditions. Celebrating with some type of grand gesture would not have been her style so I celebrate my mom by sharing this memory. This particular event, though it was mostly about me, says a lot about her and what it was like for me to grow up in a religious and cross-cultural home. I still laugh when I think about how my mom associated ripped denim with gang bangers. I wouldn’t have convinced her to let me keep the jeans if I pleaded my case by saying all the cool kids on 90210 were wearing them since I wasn’t allowed to watch 90210. I know she really didn’t think I had joined a gang but she wanted to make a point that she did not want her kids to dress like a gang banger. It worked in a sense that I never actually joined a gang but I did develop a strange obsession with gang movies in my pre-teen/early teen years.
You mom sounds awesome. And she obviously was on the right track because you clearly would have turned into a Alicia Silverstone and if that had happened you would be too strange for me to be friends with because you would be a hippy vegan who feeds your kids mama bird style.
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