Hot Plate! (Part 1)

 An Epicurean's Adventures and Mishaps in the Kitchen

Instead of blogging about "Acquiring New Skills," I have decided to write about my adventures in the kitchen because I am a novice. Now that school has started I don't have time to learn any other skill (like take a sewing class, which I was planning to do). I will stick to cooking because A.) I can do it from the convenience of my own home; B.) I love food; C.) I’m too poor to eat out for fine foods all the time; D.) It’s two of my ten resolutions: learn how to cook and eat healthy; and E.) This project could either make me fall in-love with cooking or reinforce my hatred for it.

I’ve had my share of failed dishes and it all started in 4th grade. I thought I could make bread by simply mixing flour and eggs. I then fried it because anything fried seemed to taste pretty good. The "bread" looked like dirty dough marbled with yellow scrambled eggs because I did not mix it very well. The concoction smelled like scrambled egg dough. I gave it to my brother who has been the victim of many of my food experiments. He poured half a bottle of ketchup on my egg bread before eating it. This is probably why he never wants to eat anything I cook now, even my successful dishes!

In a potluck, never claim it’s your dish unless someone compliments it. At my church’s last Christmas dinner, I made cake lollipops. I had tried them at my friend Kalu’s baby shower and they were delicious! I found Martha Stewart's recipe and it was simple – or so I thought. I do not know what I did wrong but they turned out really sweet. A person would have sugar shock after the first bite! I decided to bring it to the potluck anyways. I later heard this lady at church telling someone she ate one and got a bad stomachache. I never took ownership for the dish.

FONDANT FAILURE

Speaking of lessons learned, last month after I conquered Coq Au Vin (which is a level medium on the scale of cooking difficulty), I was on a cooking high! I felt like I could whip up anything—even decorate a cake comparable to one of Duff's Ace of Cakes masterpieces. 
 I decided to make fondant. One of the worst ideas I have ever had. I started late at night (my first mistake) and the recipe called for glycerin—which is not in the baking aisle at Safeway. I spent 20 – 30 minutes that night looking for glycerin all over the store. Why do I need glycerin for cooking?!? Isn’t that what soap is made of?!? I figured I could probably go without it. I also forgot corn syrup, but according to the recipe I found on the Internet, I can make corn syrup by boiling sugar. I did not have much sugar left and I probably did not boil it long enough—but I pressed on. The end result looked like fondant, but it was very difficult to handle because it was dry. The powdered sugar also left a colossal mess. I was miserable but determined to decorate a cake. I dyed the fondant red and green, cut out stockings and snowflake shapes and put them on my frosted cake. The cake was ugly so I plotted leftover (about 6) peanut MM’s all over the cake to make it look at least appetizing. The next morning, the fondant had cracked and they had turned into slabs of concrete! Never make your own fondant. No, I did not know you could purchase pre-made fondant at Michaels.

(The Fondant Recipe: 1 tbsp of unflavored gelatin, ¼ cup of cold water, 1 tsp of almond extract, ½ cup of light corn syrup, 1 tbsp of glycerin, 2 lbs of confectioner’s sugar, ½ tsp of white vegetable shortening.)

SIMMER DOWN!

My most recent mishap was when I attempted to make Steak with Stout and Potatoes from the book Complete Comfort Food. I get off work at 5 p.m. and had no dinner at home. I quickly gathered everything I needed for the dish because it takes about 2 hours to make, but for a novice like me, add an extra 30 minutes or so. I followed the directions carefully, except that I apparently do not know what it means to “simmer.” The fire was on medium, but should’ve been on low. I started to smell something “toasty” and was horrified to find that all the liquid had evaporated while there was still 30 minutes left to cook the dish! The beef had stuck to the pan so I added more broth and finished up the remaining 30 minutes. The Dutch oven (which I borrowed from my brother) was black and grimy at the bottom. I couldn’t make the mustard sauce that went with the dish because beef bits were welded to the bottom of the pot. I still ate the dish because at 10 p.m. I was starving, tired, and had a taste of failure. It tasted bitter and burnt.

THE SCORE

Kitchen – 2 (Fondant and Beef Stout); Sarah – 1 (Coq Au Vin)

Next Challenge: Julia Child's Boeuf Bourguignon (Beef Burgundy), inspired by the movie "Julie and Julia."