When it comes to eHarm, I'm a fish out of water

A quick update on project eHarm. 

I've had about 20 or so "matches" but I have not yet checked them all out. The way eHarm works is that if someone wants to talk to you, you can do the first level of communication they call "Guided Communication." By "guided" they mean you have to select a set of prescribed questions along with a set of answers. However, you can choose to skip that and directly email someone.

Apparently, I had made a mistake and assumed too much of the people on eHarm. I skipped the first step and I directly emailed someone. First of all, I did this because I do not like the idea of having eHarm deciding for me what questions to ask. I didn't like them forcing me to choose only ten traits of "must haves" and "can't stands" (as stated in my previous post), I sure as heck don't like them telling me what questions to ask someone I want to get to know better! Second, I wanted to ask him a specific question about the last book he read, Cat's Cradle. 

My email went something like this:

"Hi there, using whatever "science" eHarmony employs, they have decided we would get along. I'm new to eHarm and not sure what the protocol is for communicating with someone. Plus, I wanted to ask you about the last book you read which is on my current summer reading list. Are you a big fan of Vonnegut? Have you read any other of his books? I know several people who really enjoy his writing."

I later got an email from eHarm telling me that this guy, I'll call "A," has made a decision about my communication request. I click on the link and it took me to Step 1 of the communication process. I'm guessing he wants me to pick a set of the pre-written questions to send to him rather than actually having to provide a real answer to my question. I haven't sent him a set of questions and so far, he hasn't "closed me out" but I think I should close him out.

I have gotten a request from this other guy, "J" and he said he loves being physically fit, stand-up paddle boarding, kayaking, surfing and doing triathalons. I'm guessing he didn't read my profile because on the part that asks what I'm passionate about, I started off saying, "I wish I could say I was passionate about health and fitness, unfortunately, that passion has eluded me." I then go on talking about being passionate to help poor children or something to that effect. 

With some reservation, I did answer his set of questions. One of them asked where I saw myself living in 15 years. I had a difficult time with this question because at this point in my life, I really cannot think that far ahead. Another question was how many kids I want to have. Is it just me, or are these types of questions odd to ask someone who you just "met?"

The process of meeting people on eHarm and the way people communicate through its service is very unnatural to me. As someone who studied journalism in college and having worked in media and politics, I think I'm pretty good at talking to strangers and having conversations with people I just met. I can talk up a storm and I know this because throughout my life, my family has repeatedly told me that I talk way too much. I can talk pretty much about anything. That's because I can pretend to be interested and ask questions. "So, what do you think the probabilities are on a 20 sided dice?" You see how I just pretended to be interested in Dungeons and Dragons and math all the same time?

So, being the way that I am, I am finding that eHarm's process is much too rigid for me. However, I believe that there are people out there who will love eHarm-- particularly people who are regimented and  may not always find it easy to find things to talk about when first meeting someone. These are not bad qualities by any means. I find that these type of people are wonderful once you have passed the awkwardness of being strangers.

P.S. Please do not let my blog discourage you from giving eHarm a try if you are considering it. Just because I find it weird and sometimes annoying, that might not be the case for you. After all, I am weird and sometimes annoying (and also stubborn).

P.P.S. I have done some self evaluation and have tried to come up with a theory on why I am so averse to eHarm's pre-written questions and rules. As some of you have read in a previous post, I grew up with very rigid rules and perhaps years of resentment is manifesting itself on eHarm's rigid rules.
I guess the great thing about my perception on eHarm is that because I think it is so impersonal, I find it hard to take anything that happens on there personally (well at least for now).

May you be more patient and open minded when you embark on your very own project eHarm.